Finding value in your life

Finding value in your life (when it all seems a bit pointless)

This sounds quite complex, heavy and highly personal. And it is. 

But what's a blog for if not to delve into the deeper aspects of life and hope some of your words will resonate with other people? After all, although one person's sense of contentment and self-worth comprises an array of different factors, and the specific combination of things that motivate and inspire each one of us is unique and probably changes throughout our lives, we are all connected by shared experiences and universal human traits. Hurray for that! 

On a good day, seeking out the true value or purpose of one's life can seem an exciting and wonderful prospect ('the world is your oyster') but it can also be totally overwhelming, especially when you don't yet understand yourself fully, have experienced some major setbacks, or aren't yet ready to accept the truths you've come to discover about yourself. Or indeed, if you find yourself comparing your life with those who seem to have it all sorted and appear to be sailing happily and healthily through theirs, doing rewarding work they enjoy, comfortably settled and surrounded by people they love. We've all done this and probably felt some jealousy and resentment from time to time. It's only human nature.

The reality is though, what we see of others is merely a perception, these days possibly a social-media curated projection - these seemingly lucky folk may or may not even have that life. You will never truly know. But it's not going to be your existence, so you do yourself harm by hankering after it and bemoaning your own.

In the wake of losing my job (after a series of hospitality jobs and bullying bosses, that battered my physical and mental health) and deciding to forge a new career, I have struggled not to feel like a failure, not to compare and despair, and not to feel overwhelmed by both the endless possibilities of life as a freelancer and the pressing need to earn money again, soon. I also recognise that the biggest risk to my success is not my lack of ability but my propensity to over-think, talk myself down and ultimately give up.

So yes, I have found myself faced with some deeply uncomfortable realisations, emotions and existential questions lately (as well as plenty of half-baked flights of fancy and addictively fluffy Netflix boxsets) all of which have the potential to drive me off course or straight back to where I just came from.

I am not allowing this to happen though. This is how:

1. For one thing, instead of isolating myself which isn't good for anyone's mental health, I am talking to friends, meeting up with them often, seeking new connections that will help my career development, and listening to others' stories.
2. I'm exercising and eating well. Most days.
3. I am exploring my core values using the Values Compass with a view to these being central to my new work and lifestyle.
4. I'm trying to be kinder to myself, and less punitive and critical. When I berate myself or put excessive pressure on myself to succeed, achieve, excel, learn, earn etc, I do none of these. When I approach everything with an open, inquisitive, almost playful mindset, I am more inclined to accept that I can't achieve everything at once and acknowledge my small achievements. I am trying not to berate myself if I get distracted, disheartened or feel like giving up twenty times a day. 
5. I am trying to see each day as a gift and a new opportunity and not dwell on what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow.
6. I'm allowing myself to rest and do things that bring me joy. Some days it is hard to find anything but by turning to my values compass, I remember that often opportunities present themselves everywhere in our daily lives, whether it be as simple as cuddling your pets or doing something kind for someone else.